Tam Lin Oddities, Parodies, Filk, and Poems
Tam Lin based Filks, Parodies, and Poems
All Your Tam Lin Are Belong To Us
- The Faerie Queen
Parodies:
Note: Authors retain their copyright. All works reposted with permission. Do not reproduce works without first contacting
original authors and obtaining permission.
Links to longer fanfic stories can be found in the Tam Lin Library
Tam Lin Parodies
by Jeri Corlew
Jeri wrote this as part of a discussion on rec.music.folk about
how many folk singers it takes to change a lightbulb.
- Janet put her backpack on
And all her goods arranged
And she's gone to Carterhaugh
The light bulbs for to change.
- She'd not changed a double bulb,
a bulb but only two
When up then spoke young Tam Lin
says "Lady change no more"
- "And why change you the light bulbs
without my acquiescence"
"Those reg'lar bulbs use too much power
I prefer fluoresescents".
by Les barker/Mrs. Ackroyd
This version is written and performed by the Mrs. Ackroyd Band, headed by the delightful and entertaining Les Barker. More can be learned about Mr. Barker at The Mrs Ackroyd Enterprises website. Go ahead, ask about the Zebra named Spot.
- I forbid you maidens all,
And a warning take by me,
Don't go down to the Chaser's Wood.
If a maid you want to return, return.
If a maid you want to return.
- Lady Margaret, Lady Margaret
She's made haste to comb her hair
And she's gone down to the Chaser's Wood
She's heard what goes on there, on there.
She's heard what goes on there.
- She's not pulled one rose-red daffodil
When he's sprung down from a tree.
Lady don't you touch that bloom,
It's council property, property.
It's council property.
- And if you touch that red, red bloom,
You'll hang until you're dead.
So she asked for his forgiveness,
All behind the potting-shed, potting-shed.
All behind the potting-shed.
- And what they did I cannot say,
So long they did lie there.
Except the earth did move so much,
She had to comb her hair, her hair.
She had to comb her hair.
- Four and twenty maidens, all sitting in the Hall
All playing at the chess.
All except for the Lady Margaret,
She's in something of a mess, a mess.
She's in something of a mess.
- Then up spoke one of those girls,
On her face a gleeful twitch.
I think my lady is with child.
Oo! she was a bitch, a bitch.
Oo! she was a bitch
- Then up spoke another of those girls,
And a pretty-little-girl was she.
You must go back to the Chaser's Wood,
For to twine the babe from thee, from thee.
For to twine the babe from thee.
- Go straight to the heart of the Chaser's Wood,
And wear a scarlet fez,
Stand on your head for half an hour,
That's what my granny says, she says.
That's what my granny says.
- Lady Margaret went down to the Chaser's Wood,
Just as fast as she could tear.
Pausing only forty minutes,
For to comb her golden hair, her hair.
To comb her golden hair.
- She went straight to the heart of the Chaser's Wood.
A fez upon her head.
You can't stand on your head round here,
A voice behind her said, it said.
A voice behind her said.
- Tomorrow he said you will be hanged,
And must leave the Church of Rome,
And pay a fine of seven and six,
Or I'll confiscate your comb, your comb.
I'll confiscate your comb.
- Yet you may live if you will help me,
The young park-keeper said.
I will tell to you my story.
Come behind the potting-shed, potting-shed.
Come behind the potting-shed.
- As I rode out, on a bitter, bitter day,
'Twas from my horse I fell.
And the queen of the elvens she did take me,
In yonder green wood to dwell, to dwell.
In yonder green wood to dwell.
- It is the seventh, seventh year,
And I must pay the toll of Hell.
She knew his words were truthful,
And he almost did as well, as well.
He almost did as well.
- Though I will change all in your arms,
Yet you must hold me near.
For I am the father of your child.
She said "I'm glad we've got that clear.", that clear
I'm glad we've got that clear.
- So she ran down to the old mill bridge,
All through the moonlit wood.
And her hair it shone like finest gold,
And so it bloody should, it should.
And so it bloody should.
- First there came a black horse, and then there came a
brown,
And they pulled the devil's coach.
She threw her arms around her love,
He very nearly choked, he choked.
He very nearly choked.
- And they changed him then, it was all in her arms,
He'd Jeremy Beadles looks.
But she held him fast, she feared him not,
She knew it was a hoax, a hoax.
She knew it was a hoax.
- And they changed him again, it was all in her arms,
"Bernard Manning", she thought, "Oh No!"
But she kept her arms around him,
Well as far as they would go, would go.
As far as they would go.
- And they changed him again, it was all in her arms,
The Prince of Wales appears
She wrapped herself around him
And she grabbed hold of his ears, his ears.
She grabbed hold of his ears.
- And they changed him again, and Biggles he became,
Down the tarmac they did run.
She misted up his goggles,
And left Biggles flies undone, undone.
Biggles flies undone.
- And they changed him again, into John Major,
What she said frightened him so.
My name is Lady Margaret,
And I'm not letting go, letting go.
No I'm not letting go.
- "Just one more, my love." he cried,
"One more and we are home."
"Hang on, I'm getting off." she cried,
"I've dropped my bleeding comb.", my comb
I've dropped my bleeding comb
- Four and twenty maidens, all sitting in the Hall,
Lady Margaret she is there,
And she knows not her baby's father,
But, My God !, what lovely hair, what hair.
My God !, what lovely hair.
Originally housed at the Iron Scaffold of the Fallen Fom Grace
Website (http://www.fallenfromgrace.com/ironscaffold/desolations/tamlin.html). However, the website has since died. The link provided goes to the web archive copy of the text. The original author is encouraged to contact me if at all possible.
an excerpt from A Fairy Tale by Liz
M.
The follow excerpt is from a very good piece of Pride &
Prejudice based fanfic written by Liz M. The story as a whole is a
highly enjoyable blending of Jane Austen's characters with plot
lines and figures from many different folk tales. The following
except is Liz's take on the wedding of Caprice (inspired by Lydia
Bennet) and The Magician (inspired by George Wickham). As the scene
opens, Beauty(Elizabeth Bennett) and Serenity (Jane Bennett) have
just joined their sister, and found she has a man tied up in the
back of her cart.
Serenity gasped. "Caprice, there's a man back here!" She knelt to
help untangle the fellow.
That action finally got Caprice's attention. "Oh, leave him be! I
don't want him to get away again. He's my fiancé, you
know."
"Your what?!" came three voices from the back of the cart.
The man traded incredulous looks with Beauty and Serenity, and
then resumed his attempts to free himself, with even more vigor
than before. The three sisters were soon in an argument about the
propriety of kidnapping one's intended husband - or at least two of
them were, since Caprice paid no attention to anything the others
were saying. Her interest was entirely focused on the road, as she
searched for some landmark.
"Ah, there it is!" she cried happily. "I was beginning to think
that farmer gave me bad directions, or that I had taken the wrong
turning." She stopped the cart again in front of a white wooden
frame building. The small belfry atop its roof identified it as a
chapel, and a thin, black-clad clergyman appeared by the door to
welcome his visitors. Caprice swung down from her perch to greet
him, and they were soon deep in conversation. The clergyman seemed
delighted to be of service, for he nodded and shook hands with
Caprice, then ducked back inside the chapel.
Caprice turned to face her sisters. "How marvelous it is that I
found you, for now you can be my bridesmaids! Would you mind
picking some of those flowers to make me a bouquet? If only I had a
veil! I don't suppose either of you has a shawl I could borrow for
the purpose, do you? Bother, I feared not. Really..."
Neither Beauty nor Serenity could get a word in edgewise, no
matter how hard they tried. Their expostulations simply bounced off
the impenetrable wall of Caprice's self-centered happiness like a
tailor would bounce off a giant. If fact, she only ended her list
of bridesmaids' duties because she saw that her husband-to-be was
on the verge of slipping away again.
He had finally gotten out of the tightly wrapped blankets, but he
needed a few more moments to untie the knotted ropes that bound his
wrists and ankles. He was about to take off running down the road
when Caprice tackled him. "Drat that herbwife! She assured me the
sleeping potion would be good for another hour or two! I have half
a mind to go back and demand a refund!"
The magician (for it was the same fellow Caprice had pocketed
behind the stable) twisted like an eel, seeking his freedom. Beauty
and Serenity darted back to the cart, to be out of the way as he
kicked and turned; Caprice, in the midst of the mêlée,
refused to slacken her grip.
The clergyman reemerged from the chapel at this point, now wearing
a white surplice and carrying a large book under his arm. His only
reaction to the odd scene unfolding on his doorstep was to raise
his eyebrows and calmly inquire whether they were ready to begin.
Caprice managed to reply in the affirmative as she rearranged her
hold on the magician's collar. The clergyman opened the large book
and began to read. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together
here..."
"You know, you are seriously beginning to annoy me," the
beleaguered magician told Caprice. He gave a sudden exclamation as
he finally got one arm free; now he could use his conjuring talents
to hasten his escape! In a moment he had transformed himself, and
Caprice suddenly found that she was holding a huge hissing serpent,
which darted its long tongue at her face and tried to slide out of
her grasp. Caprice ducked away from its striking head and wrapped
several scaly coils around her arm, preventing it from
moving.
"I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful
day of judgment..." The clergyman droned on, not looking up from
his book.
Caprice was working on tying the serpent's tail into a knot when
the magician gave up on that creature. He resumed his human form
long enough to tell her, "You're persistent, I'll say that for you!
Don't you know it's unwise to make wizards angry?"
Then the shape under her hands changed again. Scales turned to
fur, fangs turned to teeth, and Caprice was holding a young bear!
It tried one or two swipes at her with its sharp claws before she
managed to twist one paw behind its back and get a chokehold around
its throat. She had to keep spitting out mouthfuls of fur as the
animal struggled, but she wasn't about to give up. Besides, the
ceremony wasn't over yet!
"...in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee
only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?" the clergyman
inquired calmly, taking a step sideways to avoid Caprice and her
captive.
"He will!" Caprice spat, just as she wrestled the bear to a
standstill.
Since that form didn't work either, the magician - or rather
wizard, as he called himself - turned human again. "It has been
some time since anyone gave me so much trouble," he said, wheezing
for air.
The small respite seemed to provide inspiration, for then he
changed again! Tawny fur covered his body, the sharp claws
reappeared, and an angry growl split the air as the wizard turned
into a lion. Perhaps he remembered how much this shape frightened
Caprice the first time she saw it, but it was a miscalculation on
his part. She might have been unprepared then, but not now! In a
trice she had the lion's paws so tangled in its long tail that it
could barely move.
The clergyman had to raise his voice a little to make himself
heard above the din. "Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded
husband..."
Caprice was catching her breath before the wizard could think of
any other forms to try. "I will!" she cried at the appropriate
moment. Just in time - for a malicious hissing and squawking filled
the air as the lion transformed itself into a swan. It struck out
once, then twice with its unforgiving beak, lashing towards Caprice
with its muscular neck. Two strong wings beat at her until she
managed to drag one of the blankets from the back of the cart to
ensnare it.
The clergyman had taken the liberty of skipping over a few
paragraphs - not seeing how one could exchange rings with a swan -
and was nearing the end of the service. "Forasmuch as this man and
this woman have consented together in holy wedlock, and have
witnessed the same..."
The swan gave a despairing cry as it melted back into human form.
"The last person who tried to capture me got turned into a hideous
Beast, so I'll think of something equally appalling for you when
I'm free!" the wizard snapped.
Caprice was tired, but she could not let her resolve fail at this
point - she was too close to her goal, and only needed a little
longer to accomplish it! However, the flaming salamander that the
wizard became was nearly too much for her. The fire was blinding,
and the heat was scorching - in another moment the blanket that had
wrapped the swan would be no protection.
Looking around frantically, she spotted a trough of water near the
side of the chapel, where the cart horse was calmly drinking. She
clasped the salamander as tight as she dared and dragged it the few
steps required, then heaved it into the trough. Boiling clouds of
steam arose, but when they cleared she could see the wizard -
dirty, bruised, and now soaked, but human again - sitting up to his
waist in the water.
The clergyman concluded the ceremony, without having batted an
eyelash through the whole extraordinary performance. "...and by
joining of hands; I pronounce that they be husband and wife
together."
"No!" cried the wizard, just as the clergyman snapped his book
closed.
"My congratulations to the happy couple," were the clergyman's
parting words. He made haste to take himself inside the chapel and
slammed the door, before anything else could happen.
Caprice, reaching ecstatic heights of joy, flung her arms around
her new husband. "My very own prince, at last! Here's the best part
- I may now kiss the groom!"
by Batya
"The Toon" Wittenberg
The following creation is a filk song created by Batya Wittenberg,
based upon the Charlie Daniels Band song "The Devil Went Down To
Georgia", and inspired by the Heather Alexander song "Faerie
Queen". For more of Batya's work, see her Filk
page.
- The Faerie Queen went down to Georgia, she was hunting for a
man to steal
Found a mortal boy to be a brand new toy, he was really quite
ideal.
When her band came across this young girl waving a fiddle and
waving it hot,
And she shouted to the Fair Folk, "Stop right there, 'cause that's
my man you've got!"
- The Faerie Queen looked down at her from astride her faerie
steed,
Said "I observe you've got the nerve, but skill is what you
need.
You may play pretty good fiddle, girl, but the same is true for
me;
This fiddle in my hand against your man says I'll play better than
thee."
- The girl said "My name's Jenny, now let's hear your
violin:
I'll bet mortal trust against Faerie dust, 'cause I'm the best
there's ever been."
- Jenny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle well,
Or the Faerie Queen will take your man and tithe him off to
hell
Her fiddle's carved from finest wood and strung with silver
string,
But only you can make your fiddle sing.
- So the Faerie Queen she smiled then, said "Guess I'll start
this show,"
And sparks flew from her fingertips as she rosined up her
bow.
They handed her a violin as black as she was fey,
And the band of faeries joined in as she started in to play.
(instrumental)
- When the Faerie finished, Jenny said, "Not bad, but you ain't
won;
Just set there on that horse of yours, an' let me show you how
it's done!"
- Fire on the Mountain, run, boys, run
Faerie folk flee from the rising sun
Lovin' in the moonlight, sun and rain
Look into my eyes and call my name
(instrumental)
- Well the Faerie Queen looked pale and grim, 'cause she knew
that she'd been beat,
She set the boy and the fiddle on the ground at Jenny's
feet.
Jenny laughed and sang out, "Lady, you shoulda stuck with ol' Tam
Lin,
I done told you once, you Faerie bitch, I'm the best there's ever
been."
- She played Fire on the Mountain, run, boys, run
Faerie folk flee from the rising sun
Lovin' in the moonlight, sun and rain
Look into my eyes and call my name
by Batya
"The Toon" Wittenberg
The following creation is a filk song created by Batya Wittenberg,
to the tune of "Black Davy's Ride" by Cynthia McQuillen. Batya
provides the following commentary on Tam Lin as the inspiration for
this piece:
This one came out of Current 93's rendition of the Tam
Lin ballad, one of the Margaret variants (as opposed to the earlier
Janet ones). In this particular version, when Margaret comes upon
Tamlin in the woods, he doesn't waste much time arguing with her:
"And he took her by the milk-white hand, / And by the grass-green
sleeve; / He pulled her down at the foot o' the bush, / He never
once asked her leave." And as in most of the versions, when she's
carrying his child, he asks her to come and save his life. After
hearing that one, I started wondering why she would
bother.
. For more of Batya's work, see her Filk
page.
- Faerie Court's riding, on Hallownight
Horses of black and brown, horses of white
And in their train rides one human knight
Nowhere to run and no one to fight
- Tamlin, O Tamlin, pray, what do you dream?
Are you a faerie knight servin' the queen?
Are you a plain man, lady by your side?
Where will you be at the end of this ride?
- Her hair was wild and her eyes cast a spell
She caught you up when from your horse you fell
She took you with her, in Faerieland to dwell
But then the time came to pay the tithe to hell
- Tamlin, O Tamlin, pray, what do you dream?
Are you a faerie knight servin' the queen?
Are you a plain man, lady by your side?
Where will you be at the end of this ride?
- Green-kirtled Janet, of plain mortal birth,
Your only chance to break free of this curse
Your child within her, and you know what that's worth
That baby's all that holds you to this earth
- Tamlin, O Tamlin, pray, what do you dream?
Are you a faerie knight servin' the queen?
Are you a plain man, lady by your side?
Where will you be at the end of this ride?
- You did her wrong, when you took her in the fern --
Why should your fate be aught of her concern?
You know now in your gut she never will return;
The baby's gone, and she's left you to burn....
- Tamlin, O Tamlin, pray, what do you dream?
Are you a faerie knight dyin' for your queen?
Are you a plain man, Janet by your side?
Which will you be at the end of this ride?
The following song comes to me from Gwen Knighton, who says:
This song is a slice-of-life view of the moments leading up to when Janet and Tam Lin actually meet, a very short scene in the ballad. I was thinking about how so many analyses of the ballad and so many books that have been written about it focus on plucky Janet and her tenaciousness in hanging on to her lover through thick and thin. But what about Tam Lin? He's got an agenda, himself; he would like to save his life. Now, I know Janet is headstrong and reckless; the ballads all say that. But it takes more than a little recklessness to make a girl get herself knocked up and then place herself in between her true love and the Queen of Elfland. Tam Lin has something up his sleeve, doesn't he? Gotta be the roses.
Gwen is a harpist, and her group, Three Weird Sisters will be releasing a CD in fall of 2003 called Hair of the Frog on which this song should appear.
- I know your face, little rose
But I don't know your mind
You know your place, little rose
But you cannot read the signs
Aren't you arrogant
Putting on airs
I watch you from the bower
You do not sense that I am there.
-
Come into my garden
Sings the elf-knight to the maid
Lilies, willows, roses,
And your innocence betrayed
Reach for that red rose, my dear
A rose but barely one
And I will be your love, my dear
And all your life undone.
- You see my steed, little rose
But you don't see my face
I watch your feet, little rose
Gauge your reckless girl's pace
Aren't you beautiful
So sweet and pure
You reach out one dainty hand
I sit and see my fate secured.
-
Come into my garden
Sings the elf-knight to the maid
Lilies, willows, roses
And your innocence betrayed
Reach for that red rose, my dear
A rose but barely two
And I will be your love, my dear
And be the end of you.
-
My eyes consume, little rose
I am charmed by your smile
You hold my blooms, little rose
You're so easy to beguile
Aren't you mesmerized
As you stare, unafraid?
I'll lead you to my leafy close
And you will be no more a maid
-
Come into my garden
Sings the elf-knight to the maid
Lilies, willows, roses
And your innocence betrayed
Reach for that red rose, my dear
A rose but barely three
And I will be your love, my dear
And you'll belong to me.
-
Tag:
You are bound for ordeals
You will never understand
For I have learned some tricks
While I have lived in fair Elfland.
The following bit of writing showed up on several blogs and lists around 25 June 2004. No author is listed (first sighted on the Richard Thompson list, to the best of my knowledge). It is based on the Nigerian Scam that had been plaguing inboxes for years, and deserves quite a few rounds of applause.
I must apologise for any discomfiture you are experiencing as you read
this letter and solicit your utmost confidence by virtue of this
proposal. Let me introduce myself to you. I am Mrs Janet Lin, a
director at the First Bank of Carterhaugh. I came to you in confidence
because of some money, namely TWENTY-EIGHT MILLION GOLD COINS
(28,000,000.000 gold coins) belonging to my missing husband, Thomas
(Tam) Lin, who was abducted by the faeries in a ghastly incident many
years ago. The money has been buried under a thorn hedge for seven
hundred years. I have given up hope that my beloved THOMAS LIN will
return and so have decided to retrieve his money and move to Tir Na
Nog. I want you to help claim the buried money as you are a source for
good investment. For this we are prepared to give you a reasonable
percentage of the money. Meanwhile 15% (FOUR MILLION TWO HUNDRED
THOUSAND GOLD COINS) has been set aside for you and the rest will be for
me and my milk cow called Derek. For the intrest of doing business
please do not hesitate to contact MR DEREK GUERNSEY on 27-731-450-735
Fax 27-843-232-611 IMMEDIATELY. I thank you for your cooperation and
warn of DIRE CONSEQUENCES if you fail to solicit my confidences.
Mrs. Janet Lin
Director
First Bank of Carterhaugh
This is what happened when I took the simple version of Tam Lin (Tam Lin X) through an English to AOL t33n translator
- I FORBID AL U GIRLS
WHO HAEV GOLDEN HARE
2 TRAEVL DOWN 2 CART3RHAUGH
FOR U TM LIN IS THEYRE AL TAHT PAS THROUGH CARTERHAUGH
HE WIL TAEK A THEYRE RNGS OR THERE GREN MANTLES
OR THEYRE VIRGINITY
- JAENT WAS SITNG BY H3R WINDOW
SEWNG A LOVELY SAM
AND WISHAD 2 B IN C8RHAUGH
2 WOK TEH WODS SO GREN
- SHE TUKED UP HER SKIRT OF GREN
AND SH3 TEID BAK H3R HARE
AND SH3 L3FT FOR CARTERHAUGH
IN GRAAT HASTE 2 GET THEYRE HAD JUST PUL3D A SNGLE ROSE
SHED ONLY TAEKN ON3
WHAN SUDENLY TM LIN APEAERD
2 PROTEST WUT SHED DUN
- Y DO U PLUK TEH RAD RED ROS3
AND Y DO U HARM DA TRE
AND Y HAEV U COME 2 CARTARHAUGH
WITHOUT FIRST ASKNG M3
- I?!!!? OMG LOL HAEV DA RIGHT 2 COMA 2
TEH RIGHTS R MIEN BY BIRTH
SO I WIL COMA 2 CARTARHAUGH
AND NOT ASK UR LAAEV FIRST
- HE11!!1 OMG WTF LOL PUT HIS ARM AROUND HAR WASET
AND THEY LAY ON TEH GROUND
AND WT DID NAXT I CUDNT DA L3AEVS WERA AL AROUND
- JAENT W3NT 2 HER FATHERS HOUSE
AND AL WHO SAW BLEIVED
SHE WAS NOW LOKNG PAEL AND GREN
THEY F3AERD SHA HAD CONCEIEVD
- WAL!!!1111 I HAEV HAD A LOVAR
AND NOW IM WIT CHILD
IT1!!! LOL WAS NOT WIT ANY MAN HERE
BUT A FAREEI IN TEH WILD
- SHA TUKAD UP HER SKIRT OF GREN
AND SHE TEID BAK H3R HARE
AND SH3 LEFT FOR CART3RHAUGH
IN MUCH HASTA 2 G3T
- Y HAEV U COMA 2 CARTERHAUGH
PAST TEH FEILDS OF HAATHAR
AND WIL U KIL DA LOVALY BAEB
TAHT W3 HAEV MAED U?!?!?! OMG WTF MUST TAL MA NOW TM LIN
TAL TEH TRUTH 2 MAH R U A MORTAL MAN
AND CAN U L3AEV THIS PLAEC
- IM A MORTAL MAN
AND OF HUMAN FLASH AND BLOD
HUMAN BY MAH BIRTH
AND HUMAN IN MAH LOVE
- I11!11! USAD 2 GO OUT HUNTNG
BUT I FEL FROM MAH HORSE ON3 TEH111!!1
OMG WTF LOL QUEN OF FAREEIS CAPTURAD ME
AND IN THEYRE LAND I MUST TEH!1111!
-
OMG WTF LOL FA3REI LAND IS A PL3ASANT PLAEC
BUT THEIR A DARKAR SIED AS WAL
AT!1!1111! DA AND OF 3VERY SEVAN YAARS
THEY MAEK A SACRIFIEC 2 HEL
- IM SO U AND HANDSOM3
I FAAR TAHT THEYL CHOS3 M3
2 B TEH ONE 2 PAY DA PRIEC
UNLES I CAN G3T FRE
- 2NIGHT!!111!11 LOL IS HALOWEN
AND DA FAEREIS WIL B IN SIGHT
IF U WATE FOR THEM AT MIELS PLZ!!!!!!!!
OMG WTF COM3 FOR M3 2NIGHT
- TAEK1!!11 OMG WTF LOL A HOLD OF ME WHAN I PAS BY
HOLD1111!1 OMG WTF LOL M3 TIGHT 2 U!!1!!11
OMG ME U WONT LET GO
NO MAT3R WT DO
- THEYL!!!!! WTF TURN ME IN2 A FRIGHTENNG BAST
AND THNGS 2 GIEV ALARM
BUT UNDERNEATH IMM UR OWN LOV3 STIL
AND I WIL NOT DO U HARM
- THEYL!1111 TURN ME 2 A LION
THAYL!11!11! OMG WTF TURN M3 IN2 A SNAEK
THAYL1!!1!1 TURN ME IN2 A BURNNG THNG
AL 2 GET UR GRIP 2 BR3AK
- WHAN1!!!11 IM A MAN AGANE
PUT UR GREN CLOAK OVER M3
IL11!111 OMG B AS NAEKD AS A NEWBORN CHILD
BUT LOVE I WIL B FRE
- SH3!111 TUKED UP HER SKIRT OF GREN
AND SHE TEID BAK H3R HARE
AND SHA L3FT FOR MIELS CROS
IN GR3AT HASTE 2 GAT THEIR11!!
- WTF FA3REI HORSES CM3 RIDNG BY
IN TEH MIDLA OF TEH NIGHT
AND SOM3 WERA BLAK AND SOM3 WERE BROWN
BUT TM LINS WAS MILK-WHIET
- SHE1!!1 OMG WTF LOL PULED HIM DOWN FROM OF HIS
WIT HER ARMS AROUND HIS TEH1!11!!
FAEREI COURT GAEV AN ANGRY YEL
TM LIN IS TRYNG 2 3SCAEP
- TH3Y111!1 LOL TRANSFORM3D HIM IN2 FRIGHTNG BASTS
AND IN2 THNGS 2 GIEV ALARM
BUT SHE H3LD ON TIGHT AND F3AERD HIM NOT
AND HE DIDNT DO HER HARM
- AT!!1!!!!1 OMG LOL LAST HE WAS HIMSELF AGANE
SO SH3 WRAPED HIM IN H3R CLOAK
SHE!1!1!1!1 WAS REJOICNG IN H3R VIC2RY
WH3N DA QUEN OF FAAREIS SPOK3
- IF!1!1! OMG I HAD KNOW TM LIN SHE SAYS
TAHT U WER3 UP 2 NO GOD
ID HAEV TAEKN OUT UR GREN EYES
AND PUT IN 3Y3S OF WOD
- IF1!!1!1 OMG WTF I HAD KNOWN TM LIN
SH3 U WUD HAEV ALWAYS B3N ALONE
FOR1111!!1 ID HAEV TAEKN OUT UR MORTAL HAART
AND PUT IN A HEART OF S2NA
1!!1!! OMG WTF
by Jennifer Lawrence, ©2005
Written to see what the ballad looked like from another point of view.
- O, why are mortal men such fools?
O' all those tha' I've ken
There's nane amongst their doughty selves
I would hae back again, again,
I would hae back again.
- I'm just a woman, sweet an' fair
An' they as braw as stone
An' many's the bitter tear I've wept
When they left me all alone, alone,
When they left me sae alone.
-
Three were my true loves, three sae fair
Three heroes I loved well,
But tho' I once could call them mine,
I'd see them now in Hell, in Hell,
I'd see them all in Hell.
-
Th' first was Oisin, sae tall an' quick,
An' brave as night is dark;
I came tae him while he hunted,
An' kenned he felt a spark, a spark,
I kenned he felt love's spark.
-
"O, who are you, lady so fair,
By wha' name are ye known?"
"In all of Eire, here or there,
Niamh's my name alone, alone,
Niamh's my name alone."
-
He came tae me an' gaed wi' me:
Tae Tir-Na-nOg we went,
Fer many long years he cleft tae me:
I thought him Heaven-sent, him sent,
Frae Heaven he was sent.
-
But mortal man cannae accept
Perfection fer his lot;
He came tae me with one request:
A visit home he sought, he sought,
His family he sought.
-
There is nae time in that green land,
The Land of Youth so bright;
I warned him nae to step from horse,
Or he'd nae last the night, the night,
He'd nae live through the night.
-
Sae back to Eire's green fields he went,
An' left me far behind;
I kenned I'd nae see him again--
Fer tragedy he'd find, he'd find,
The race of time he'd find.
-
The years passed by there in his home,
But stopped for us that day
I took him thence to Tir-Na-nOg;
An' whiled the years away, away,
We loved the years away.
-
Father an' brothers, all lang dead,
'Twas the sorrow he found;
An' in his shock, he fell frae horse,
An' when his foot touched ground, touched ground,
An' when his foot touched ground--
-
O! Came the years, the missing years,
Swiftly to his braw frame,
Withered an' grey, he faded away,
An' tae his grave then, he came, he came,
Tae his sad grave then he came.
-
Sad did I mourn, loud did I wail,
Fer never his like did I see;
Many's the tear that wet my cheek,
An' many's that clouded my ee, my ee,
So many tears clouded my ee.
-
Yet could I curse him, wi' wrath's fire,
For I was nae enough;
He had tae leave an' see his kin,
An' his fate he could nae slough, not slough,
His fate he could nae slough.
-
'Twas years afore I could love again,
An' fond was Oisin's recall;
Fer o' all the three, he loved me true,
An' the other twa nae at all, at all,
The other twa loved nae at all.
-
The next had een as grey as moon,
An' hair both black an' long,
An' though I owed dark Hell a boon,
I'd done Tam Lin no wrong, no wrong,
I'd never do him wrong.
-
He'd fall'n from horse, I caught him up,
His life I saved that day,
And I asked him naught but his fair smile
But still he fled away, away,
To her he fled away.
-
He thought I'd pay the tithe wi' him,
A thought sae daft I laugh!
I'd fight all Hell wi' nought but dream,
An' all on his behalf, behalf,
An' all on his behalf.
-
On mortal girl a child he'd got
And witched her bonny heart,
And in her love his freedom sought,
Wi' Janet he'd not part, not part,
Wi' his maid he'd not part.
-
She brought him through the tests, the spells,
Of lion, serpent, fire,
And wrapped him in her mantle green,
An' freed him wi' desire, desire,
Saved him from my desire.
-
The final words I gae tae him
I ken he'll well recall:
"If I'd but kenned this day would come,
I would hae let thee fall, thee fall,
I would hae let thee fall."
-
Or failing that, a direr curse:
"For on tha' night thou'd see
Thy twa grey een I'd hae plucked out,
An' put in twa o' tree, o' tree,
An' put in twa o' tree."
-
True Thomas was my final love,
An' he came willingly,
I saw him first asleep tha' day,
Beneath the Eildon tree, the tree,
Beneath old Eildon tree.
-
He greeted me as Heaven's Queen,
But tha' fair one's nae me;
He bowed sae low, I gave him truth,
I so wanted him to see, to see,
Fer I wanted him to see.
-
In green an' silver was I clad,
His een grew wide as well;
I kissed him once, I kissed him fair,
But cast nae Faerie spell, nae spell,
Bewitched him wi' nae spell.
-
An' up upon my horse he swung,
Riding behind o' me,
An' we were awa' tae th' road
Leads tae th' land o' Faerie, Faerie,
Leads tae land o' Faerie.
-
For seven years he'd serve me now,
An' his love I hoped I'd win,
Tho' seven years, nae time enough
For true love tae begin, begin,
For real love tae begin.
-
I showed him the road so narrow;
Tae Heaven it doth lead.
An' showed him path sae broad an' bright
Where wickedness must bleed, must bleed,
To Hell, where sinners bleed.
-
Through blood an' dark, past roaring sea,
On horseback did we ride,
An' Thomas spake nae word o' woe,
But clutched fast tae me side, me side,
But held fast tae me side.
-
An' in that land, sae fair an' fell,
He stayed for seven years,
An' held his tongue for all that time,
Nae laugh, nor moan, nor tears, nor tears,
O' happiness or tears,
-
An' at the end o' tha' long time,
As promised I would do,
I took him back tae Eildon tree,
My heart sore full with rue, with rue,
So full o' bitter rue.
-
He would not stay, nor love me there,
Though I pled an' sighed my pain,
Nae love he felt for me those years,
An' my love had been in vain, in vain,
My sweet love had been in vain.
-
But gift I gae to him that day,
Or curse ye call it may;
An apple frae th' tree o' truth,
An' nae lie now he can say, can say,
Nae more lies now can he say.
-
An' here's my story, sad but true,
Three lovers, an' all lost;
I'll ne'er love mortal man again,
Nae matter what the cost, the cost,
Nae matter what the cost.
-
Fer it's nae worth the pain it brings,
Nor worth the schemes and fights;
Better to while away the days
And endure lonely nights, the nights,
And endure lonely nights.
-
An' if I die alone, unloved,
At least I did nae wrong;
Fer what sin is there in love?
Nor sin in lovin's song, in song,
An' there's end tae me song.
Jacob Williamson, © 2004
To Janet
Four and twenty ladies fair
Were playing at the chess,
And out then came the fair Janet,
As green as onie glass--
--The Ballad of Tam Lin
- These seven years I walked alone
consigned to this cold vale of thorns,
marking days and years by bloom
of wild rose, the moon, the hunter's horn.
The blood that beads on holly, blood that fell
to buy men's souls, and free them from
perdition, from this earthly hell,
fell not for me. If Christ's kingdom come,
- I burn for love, condemned by lionish desire,
unearthly pride, the favor of a maid
born of this sunless realm, maid of ice and fire--
not by Thy holly blood will her debt to Hell be paid,
but by my own, fairest by my mother borne,
a fallen knight, by my own heart betrayed,
for I took your love, my fiery queen foresworn.
In you I died, both you and I unmade.
- Brave the rain, Janet, and this outlandish road.
My hope, my life, lies within you. Do not kill
this love that we between us sowed,
with the rose's thorn your dark blood spill.
My queen has taken all from me, save my name--
That title, it is yours, but take it.
I am kept here in this garden, this rose and I the same.
Free me from this earth, hold the flower's stem, and break it.
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© 1997-2005 Abigail Acland for all original works unless otherwise noted.
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